Responding To The Haters
By Ilovetowatchyouplay.com founder, Asia Mape
Responding To The Haters. I recently re-shared the post I wrote about my daughter quitting sports. One reader pointed out the irony that someone who started a website called I Love To Watch You Play could then yell at her daughter to ‘quit’ in the car in-between games. He’s not wrong in what he said, and It’s not the first time people have had opposing viewpoints or don’t agree with something I write. But typically, it ignites a good debate about a topic, and I appreciate that, and I often learn something new or think about a situation differently.
But this one was different. This one gave me pause. It made me doubt myself. It made me uneasy. It’s amazing how one unkind comment can throw us off our game.
It made me think about what I said to my daughter in the car that day and how it must have affected her confidence. It also made me think about my friend’s son, who just lost the starting point guard position on his travel basketball team. His coach pulled him out of a game and said, “You’re not playing at the level of the rest of the team. We are going with someone else”. My friend told her son to stay positive and keep working hard. And he did. But it did a number on his mental game. And when he would finally get in, he was so nervous he would make a mistake, so of course, he kept making mistakes. He was never the same player and eventually quit the team.
Words have power. The energy we put out there either creates something positive or something negative. It’s a great responsibility we all shoulder.
What if that coach shared constructive feedback instead of being vague and unkind? What if, when he noticed a decline in play, he pulled the boy aside and helped him work on some of his shortcomings instead of immediately pulling his starting position? Or if he gave him a list of workouts outside of the practices and then checked in with him about his progress. What if he supported him? Helped him grow and nurtured his spirit instead of breaking it. Or what if, in the car that day, I had just listened to my daughter and told her that I love to watch her play, or if she asked, I could have given her feedback instead of getting upset with her ‘lack of effort’?
Having a good feedback loop is important. Having positive people in your corner who care, are honest, and can help you improve at sports and life is imperative. Nobody is perfect. If perfection is the goal, we will all always be failures. Growth is the goal. Our young athletes are always on a roller coaster ride of ups and down. They need and deserve people around them who value and support this. If not from a coach, hopefully from us parents or other adults in their lives.
Thankfully I have my inner circle to help keep me balanced and give me feedback and talk me off the ledge when I need it. I Love To Watch You Play has been my life’s passion for the last eight years. I’m not a perfect parent, but hopefully, some of what I share helps others, even if it’s just a little bit. And that article wasn’t the first time I’ve talked about my shortcomings as a sports parent. I write about them often, as there are many. And I think it’s a big part of why the content resonates.
We are all trying to do the best we can for our kids, me included. I started I Love To Watch You Play to create community and an understanding for the parents going through similar situations. It has evolved, and I have evolved. I wish I had it all figured out when my oldest was younger and still playing sports, but I wasn’t even close.
Still, I’m so grateful I’m able to continue to learn, grow, and share my experiences.
