Yes, We Coaches Have Favorites
By Kate Baker
Yes, we (coaches) have favorites. Every season, every team, every school—there are always favorites.
Some coaches have them for the wrong reasons: politics, money, family ties, or because it’s a popularity contest.
When Will Parents Start Standing Up For Coaches
But my favorites? They’re the hard workers.
The ones who want to be there.
The kids who come in ready to play, ready to learn, ready to grow. The ones who are willing to work, to lead, and to inspire their teammates. The ones who mess up but do it aggressively and who support others intentionally. The players who know how to help a teammate shine, even when it’s not their turn. The ones who play with grit, tenacity, and love for the game.
These are the kids we remember years later. We tell stories about them to younger players. We keep up with them on social media. Their parents run into us at the store and hug us with gratitude.
That’s the part everyone sees.
What people don’t see is the 12-year career I’ve poured myself into—the growing pains I’ve gone through to become the best coach I can be. They don’t see me studying psychology to understand the mental side of the game better, learning how to communicate with each player as an individual. They don’t see me putting in the time to figure out what each athlete needs to succeed, to feel supported, and to be challenged.
They don’t see the late nights, weekends, holidays, and travel. Or that I’m often juggling multiple jobs just to make ends meet, all while raising a family and giving everything I’ve got to the athletes I coach. This job doesn’t always come with many thanks, but I show up anyway because I love what I do.
What do they see?
They see that I have “favorites.”
And you know what? You’re damn right; I do.
Why Coaches Hate Over-Involved Parents
My favorites are the ones who match my energy. It’s not about their personality; it’s about their desire to be there, to give their all. I want to coach kids who want to be all in just as much as I am. I want players who buy in, who give their best effort, no matter their role.
We want the kids who don’t roll their eyes when asked to try something new.
The ones who don’t whisper in the back during a drill that’s being explained for the 13th time because they weren’t paying attention the first 12.
We want athletes who give more to the program than they take and who hold themselves accountable both on and off the court.
(And yes, it helps when parents don’t become keyboard warriors when a lineup change happens. Just support your child as they learn to communicate with us themselves.)
So yes, we have favorites.
