8 Proven Strategies for Raising Successful Athletes
8 Proven Strategies for Raising Successful Athletes.Every parent wants to see their child thrive in sports, but what truly sets successful athletes apart? Dr. Jon Coles, Associate Professor and Program Coordinator for Sport Management at Grand Valley State University, conducted in-depth interviews with collegiate athletes from various sports and socioeconomic backgrounds to uncover the most significant factors that shaped their success. His research highlights key parenting approaches that helped (or hindered) their journey.
Here’s what you need to know to guide your young athlete toward success—without adding unnecessary pressure.
THE ONE THING HOLDING YOUR ATHLETE BACK – IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK
1. Resist the Urge to Coach—Especially If You Played the Sport
Athletes who reported the best youth sports experiences often had parents who didn’t play their sport. Why? Because those parents didn’t overstep into coaching territory.
Many athletes expressed frustration with parents who knew too much, as it led to unwanted advice or criticism. A female athlete put it bluntly:
“I was much better off than my teammates because my parents had absolutely no clue about my sport.”
Athletes need their parents to be a source of support, not another coach on the sidelines.
2. Be the Calm, Not the Pressure
When it comes to high-stakes competitions—recruiting showcases, playoffs, and championship games—the athletes said moms generally provide a calming presence, while dads tend to add pressure.
Athletes recalled their fathers trying to “prepare” them or giving last-minute advice, which only increased stress. Meanwhile, moms focused on effort and enjoyment, offering reassurance instead of technical corrections.
This doesn’t mean all moms are calm and that dads shouldn’t be involved—it’s just a reminder that emotional support is often more valuable than tactical input.
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3. As the Sport Becomes More Serious, Your Role Should Shift
Young athletes appreciate parental involvement when they’re first starting out. But as they grow older and sports become more competitive, they want parents to take a step back.
By middle and high school, most athletes didn’t want detailed game breakdowns or performance critiques from their parents. One athlete shared:
“I talk about the game all day—with my coach, teammates, and friends. By the time I get home, I don’t want to rehash every play again.”
Instead of post-game analysis, simply ask, “Do you want to talk about it?” If they say no, respect that.
4. Talk About Their Goals—But Let Them Lead the Conversation
Every athlete in the study recalled one serious conversation where they sat down with their parents and clearly communicated their goals—whether that was making varsity, earning a college scholarship, or just playing for fun.
Parents who took the time to ask, “What do you want out of this?” and adjusted their support accordingly had the best relationships with their athletes.
5. Don’t Let Sports Dominate Family Conversations
For many young athletes, sports already consume their daily lives. They practice, train, and compete for hours each week. The last thing they want is for every family meal to revolve around their performance.
This is particularly true for female athletes, who reported feeling overwhelmed by constant game discussions.
“My dad didn’t realize how much I talk about the game—before, during, and after. By the time I got home, I was done thinking about it.”
Create space for other topics at the dinner table. Sports shouldn’t define your entire relationship.
6. Encourage Multi-Sport Play (At Least When They’re Young)
One of the strongest takeaways from Dr. Coles’ research was that successful athletes valued multi-sport participation.
Athletes who specialized too early often struggled with burnout, while those who played multiple sports developed a broader skill set and a stronger passion for competition.
One athlete shared how her dad forced her to specialize in middle school. The result? She quit for over a year. When she finally returned to the sport, she set a boundary: her father couldn’t be involved anymore.
7. You Can’t Want It More Than They Do
The athletes in this study had a clear message for parents: Your desire for their success cannot outweigh their own.
When parents become too emotionally invested, it creates pressure and stress rather than motivation.
“When I saw my parents getting upset about my performance, I felt like I was letting them down. It wasn’t motivating—it was exhausting.”
Encouragement is great, but make sure your emotions aren’t dictating their sports experience.
8. Great Athletes Are Made—Not Manufactured
Many parents believe that with enough training, coaching, and commitment, they can create a college athlete. But the truth is, elite-level drive comes from within.
“Not everyone has the fire it takes to play in college,” one athlete explained. “You can’t manufacture that—it has to come from the athlete, not the parent.”
It’s important to support their journey, but let them decide how far they want to take it. Your role is to provide opportunities, not force a predetermined outcome.
Final Thoughts
If there’s one takeaway from this research, it’s this: Parents who focus on support—instead of control—raise the most successful and well-adjusted athletes.
- Be present but not overbearing.
- Let them take the lead on their goals.
- Provide emotional support, not game-time coaching.
- Allow them to play multiple sports and find their own passion.
At the end of the day, the best thing you can say to your athlete is:
“I love watching you play.”
