Is Pushing Your Child to Play Sports Ever the Right Choice?
I was talking to a mom recently, and she shared that she had forced her 10-year-old to run track even though he didn’t want to. She explained that he was painfully shy and didn’t think he was a good runner. But now, several weeks in, he was like a different kid. He loved his teammates and was having a great experience.
The mom was relieved—because she knew it could have completely backfired.
I often preach that parents need to stop pressuring their kids in sports and let them take the lead in choosing their athletic path. But, like most things in parenting, there’s no universal answer. Every child is different. Every situation is different.
And sometimes, the lines between supporting, encouraging, pushing, and pulling aren’t so clear.
One of My Worst Memories as a Sports Parent
That conversation triggered a painful memory of a moment I still think about.
When youth soccer teams switched from school-year-based to birth-year-based teams, my youngest daughter got the short end of the stick. She missed the birth-year cutoff by just five days, forcing her to move up in age and try out against older, bigger, more experienced girls.
She was terrified.
So much so that she told us she didn’t want to play soccer anymore and flat-out refused to go to tryouts.
Up to that point, she had loved soccer. So we made the tough decision to force her to go—believing she would regret not trying.
But it was awful.
The second she spotted me on the sideline, she bolted from the scrimmage and clung to my leg, sobbing. After what felt like an eternity of trying to calm her down, I peeled her off me and pushed her back toward the coach.
Even now, the memory makes my stomach turn.
I could have ended it with three simple words: Let’s go home.
But I didn’t.
Stopping at that point didn’t make sense to me. If I let her quit mid-tryout, all that fear, anxiety, and heartbreak would have been for nothing.
So I made her stay.
Can Something That Feels So Bad Be Good?
Looking back, I know that choice probably doesn’t sound great. And if I measured it against my own three golden rules for parenting in youth sports, it wouldn’t pass.
But here’s the thing about parenting: it’s messy, complicated, and full of gray areas.
I’ve made mistakes in both directions. With my oldest, I pushed too hard—a mistake that had long-term consequences. So, with my younger daughters, I’m constantly trying to balance support vs. pressure.
But this was different.
This wasn’t me pushing her toward something I wanted for her. It wasn’t about scholarships, winning, or keeping up with teammates.
It was about helping her push past fear.
Did It Work?
That night, my daughter finished the tryout.
She got home beaming—full of lightness and confidence that hadn’t been there before.
It was the feeling of accomplishment that only comes from doing something really hard—from staring down fear and coming out on the other side.
Was It the Right Choice?
I think about that night all the time, not just because it was so hard but also because it was so wonderful.
That night, I almost robbed my daughter of something priceless: learning self-reliance.
She realized she had an inner strength she didn’t know existed. While this one moment didn’t erase her fears forever, it helped.
Push or Pull? The Better Approach to Motivating Kids in Sports
I recently heard a phrase that resonated:
👉 Don’t push kids to do anything—pull them instead.
Push means you’re behind them, forcing them forward.
Pull means you’re ahead, saying, “Come with me.”
That night, I pushed. But today, I try to pull instead.
Now, when my daughter faces tough choices, I don’t force her. I ask questions. I help her understand her own motivations and fears.
Most importantly, she’s in the driver’s seat, and I’m just a passenger.
Final Thoughts: Should You Ever Push Your Child in Sports?
So, should you ever push your child to play sports?
I don’t have a perfect answer. But I do know this:
1️⃣ If you’re pushing for your dreams, stop. Sports should be theirs.
2️⃣ If you’re pushing because they’re scared, consider pulling instead. Help them face fears on their own timeline.
3️⃣ If you’re pushing them toward something you think is good for them, try shifting the conversation. Let them be heard and guide them rather than dictate their choices.
That night, I pushed my daughter—but not for the wrong reasons. And in the end, it helped her grow.
Would I do it again?
I think so.
But what I do know is this: I will always be her biggest supporter—whether I’m guiding, encouraging, or simply standing beside her, letting her find her own way
More articles on Ilovetowatchyouplay.com like this one:
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