College Recruiting is hard. I watched as an outsider, and here’s what I saw.
College Recruiting is hard. I was able to watch as an outsider, and here’s what I saw. I attended a big National Recruiting event for volleyball this week as a parent, it was an indoor tournament, but my daughter hopes to play beach volleyball in college. She also happens to be sidelined and in a boot with a broken toe, so even if indoor coaches were interested in her, this took us entirely out of the recruiting vortex. So, with no skin in the game, I could sit back and observe.
Ten Things Nobody Tells You About College Recruiting
Here are a few of my key takeaways:
- Don’t fear the coaches. College coaches are nice. Talk to them when they aren’t busy (Check NCAA Rules to make sure your child is of the appropriate age). While they may be doing a job and need to focus, every single one of them that I either sat next to, rode the elevator with, or walked the long hallways next to was easy to talk to, kind, and more than willing to answer any and all of my questions. They are on our side, hoping to find the right fit for their school and your kid, and most seemed happy to engage in questions to help that process.
- Don’t ruin your child’s chances before they begin. Are you screaming, pacing, scowling? How do you interact with your child? Are you bringing them a snack, water, or a hairband? These are things your kid should be able to handle or remember by this age. They are looking for anything to differentiate one kid from another. Don’t give them a reason not to choose your child. Almost all college coaches say they recruit the entire ‘family,’ not just the kid. Listen here as Dawn Staley and Dan Hurley explain how vital parents are to who they decide to recruit.
- ALL Parents’ sideline behavior matters. In volleyball, college coaches often stand behind or sit beside us. It matters what we are saying or muttering under our breath. Being negative about our child or their teammates, saying things like, ‘Ugh, she’s been playing so bad.” or “She always serves it out.” can affect a coach’s opinion. They are listening. We need to be incredibly mindful of all the kids on the team. Either keep our mouths shut or just cheer and say only positive things. This includes gossiping, talking about the coaching staff, or even complaining about the venue.
- There are A LOT of colleges to choose from. Walking around and seeing the myriad of logos and colors, it quickly became apparent that there are hundreds of options. Make sure your child doesn’t limit their choices to schools with football teams they’ve watched on ESPN. Outstanding schools are out there that are worthy of consideration, and often, they can offer something a big school doesn’t always – valuing and seeing your whole child instead of just a replaceable commodity.
- Get to know the coach before crossing a college off your list. I happened to sit down next to an assistant coach, from a school that wouldn’t have been on my daughter’s radar, but after a five-minute conversation with this woman, I was ready to ship my kid to the Midwest if she was playing indoor. Another family on our team had a long discussion with a school they hadn’t heard of before that day, and now, that school is added to the list of possibilities. Always keep an open mind; you just never know.
- Don’t make it worse for your child. Sitting there watching these kids with 5, 10, or 30 college coaches staring at them, deciding their future – there is no doubt in my mind that this process is one of the most stressful situations they have ever gone through. But as parents and coaches, we must do all we can to ease this stress and not add to it. Watch your facial expressions, body language, words, and how you express your fear and insecurities to your child and on the sideline. They feed off that. Keep it light and fun, and continuously remind them that this process and the outcome do not change who they are as people or what they will accomplish in this world.
- Be ready because you never know. Multiple injuries allowed for more opportunities in our lineup. One of our players, who hadn’t played much during the regular season, got a lot of playing time and received attention from several college coaches this week. Keep working, stay positive. If it’s meant to be, it will. Not everyone’s journey is straightforward.
- Never say never. Earlier in the year, one of our talented players decided she wouldn’t pursue volleyball in college and would instead play club volleyball. She didn’t send out any emails. Well, several coaches noticed her, and one chatted with her after a game. It was a great experience, regardless of what she eventually chooses to do.
- Be realistic. If you have never watched the top court or the top teams play at a big National tournament, you should. Even if you think your child is exceptional, nothing is more eye-opening than seeing what the top talent in the country looks like. There are different levels of players and colleges, and doing a reality check is helpful to keep you on the right track.
- Enjoy it! We were there on the 4th of July. Many parents and players got into the holiday spirit. Check out this video {Dad’s Cheer} of one team’s Dad’s celebration. Some may disagree about taking the fun this far, and some kids would rather die than have their parents dress up, but there is something pretty cool about keeping it light and fun. After all, it is a sport, and they are kids!
Asia Mape is a 4-time Emmy Award-winning sports journalist, the mother of three daughters, a former Division 1 basketball player, and the founder of Ilovetowatchyouplay.com, a digital platform that has served millions of parents and coaches as a guide and resource for raising healthy, happy, and successful athletes. Ilovetowatchyouplay.com has been featured in The Washington Post, USA Today, The Today Show, Bleacher Report, Inc., NFL.com, and Sports Illustrated.
