The Right and Wrong Way To Handle Playing Time Issues.
At some point, every athlete will experience this
The Right and Wrong Way To Handle Playing Time Issues. At some point, every athlete will experience a playing-time setback; whether they used to get a lot and now don’t, or it’s been reduced, or maybe they were once starters and now come off the bench, or perhaps they never get into a game, or rarely. All these scenarios come with their own set of challenges, but one thing they all share is that it’s HARD.
An Open Letter To Parents Whose Kids Get A Lot Of Playing Time
The slightest change in playing time can wreak havoc on confidence.
Coaches may or may not even realize the amount of worry, discussion, disappointment, and sheer anger happening behind closed doors for kids and their families going through a shift in or lack of playing time. The slightest change in a lineup can shatter confidence and cause doubt and fear to set in.
Playing time anxiety can eat away at a team’s cohesion
The uncertainty creates anxiety and a rollercoaster of emotions. Parents, standing on the sidelines, often feel a sense of helplessness mixed with fierce pride, riding the waves of their child’s successes and setbacks. Couple that with the time and money parents are shelling out, often driving two hours to a game only to see their kid play sparingly. If left unchecked, this can create a pressure cooker that can eat away at a team’s cohesion.
A toxic environment is born
Suddenly, everything is wrong with the team they used to love. They dislike the coach; they begin to resent the other parents and even the other kids. There is talk of changing teams or even quitting. They spew negativity to anyone who will listen. This toxic behavior seeps into the teams’ culture and can erode any chance at success.
Coaches have a lot of power to fix the problem
Coaches can often stop this in its tracks by effectively communicating often and transparently about playing time and reiterating this throughout the season. This deserves a conversation if they deviate from their original communication to the team or an individual. If an in-game decision drastically reduces a player’s playing time, this also deserves a conversation. It may seem time-consuming, but it will prevent many issues from arising and go a long way toward preserving a team’s trust and culture.
Parents who engage in the ‘victim’ mentality are missing the greatest opportunity for growth
On the other hand, parents must not engage in the ‘victim’ mentality with their children. This behavior strips the kids of their power and removes any accountability. Instead, parents should embrace these difficult times and enforce that same mindset with their children. An athlete’s development NEEDS highs and lows so they can be challenged. Teaching them that it’s ok to fail and to learn from the tough times instead of running from them is the greatest gift we can give our kids. The youth sports journey will have many challenging moments, days, or even seasons. It is all a part of the most important gift of sport: growth.
Easy and simple ways to help
JP Nerbun, an advocate for positive and effective coaching and parenting strategies, has authored several books to help parents and coaches navigate the playing time problem: Calling Up: Discovering Your Journey to Transformational Leadership and The Sports Parent Solution.
Here are JP’s simple guidelines for what parents should and shouldn’t do when it comes to playing time:
DON’T:
- Think you know better than the coach about who should play.
- Believe the coach has favorites and/or doesn’t like their kid.
- Speak negatively about the coach to their kid.
- Speak negatively about the coach to the other parents and/or administrators.
- Make excuses for their child’s lack of effort, ability, and/or poor attitude.
- Resent other kids and/or their parents.
DO:
- Believe the coaching staff is making the best decision they can, based on the information they currently have-and they do have significantly more information than the parents!
- Encourage their child to keep showing up every day and do their best – so they can make a better argument for more playing time.
- Encourage gratitude for the opportunity to be part of the team.
- Reiterate to their children that for the team to succeed, they must show up and push their teammates in practice.
- Admire and cheer on the other players for their strengths and the effort they have put in.
- Remind them to be ready! They never know when their moment will come!
