Why Are So Many Kids Quitting Sports?
Why Are So Many Kids Quitting Sports? My friend’s daughter wants to quit soccer. She says she doesn’t like it anymore. At first, it was just the practices, but now she’s refusing to go to the games. This is disheartening to her parents – but in reality, it should be a wake-up call to all parents. She will soon become another statistic, another child who quits because of the culture adults have created in youth sports, valuing outcomes over the process and creating a powder keg of pressure. She’s not alone. There are millions more kids just like her.
“It feels like everyone hates me because I’m not good,” her daughter shared.
Adults are prioritizing winning, a college scholarship, and their own egos above all else. This is causing kids like my friend’s daughter to dread playing because she fears making mistakes, and her parents have watched her confidence deteriorate week after week.
Unfortunately, this is not an isolated experience. Grown men and women, coaches and parents alike throwing their arms up in the air and screaming out of frustration. How is a child supposed to learn if they don’t try and fail? Adults are robbing kids of the joy of sports, not only because of sideline antics but also because of politics. When coaches play favorites and relegate the lesser-skilled or inexperienced kids to the outfield or goalie or only let them see action in a lopsided game, this not only kills their confidence and joy, but it’s incredibly shortsighted to think that these kids won’t one day become good players. And it’s supposed to be their job to help them develop. The development timeline looks different for every child.
Despite a recent study published by the American Association of Pediatrics, the statistics, science-based insights, a billion blog posts, podcasts, Ted Talks, and even Ted Lasso educating grownups on the effect we are having on our kids’ enjoyment, it’s obvious that adults just simply don’t care.
Nowhere else would it be acceptable to treat kids or other adults this way. Would it be ok for teachers to scold a child for a math score in front of the whole class and justify it by saying they ‘need to toughen them up for real life” or that they were just trying to motivate them to do better? Imagine parents hovering over their kids at school shouting obvious instructions like “Answer THAT!” It’s the same as adults incessantly screaming “shoot” at an 8-year-old during a game.
Everyone should be aware by now of the negative outcomes associated with focusing on the result instead of the process. Carol Dweck and others have done ground-breaking research in this area. But why does this escape us during youth sports events? Research clearly shows that developing self-confidence, resilience, and interpersonal skills are most important for their success and growth. Sports should naturally foster these qualities, but they can only flourish when the environment allows for it. When adults model good behavior by showing respect for opponents and officials, exhibiting good sportsmanship, and handling adversity with grace. Unfortunately, this is happening less and less.
70% of kids quit sports by the age of 13, right when they could benefit the most, particularly girls. Sadly, this number isn’t changing.
Until we stop demanding our children perform like mini-adults, professionalizing youth sports, and pressuring them to perform, nothing will change. An athlete’s worth should not be judged by the scoreboard, championships, or medals – but rather by whether or not they want to sign up to play again.
Excerpts from this post were adapted and updated from this original article published on Ilovetowatchyouplay.com
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