What If You DON’T Always Love To Watch Them Play?
What If You DON’T Always Love To Watch Them Play? I’m guessing most of us have experienced this occasionally…or a lot. We all love watching our kids play – most of the time. But what about those times when you don’t enjoy watching them play? When you find yourself putting your head in your hands to keep from witnessing your 8-year-old manage to see every corner of the court where the action isn’t. Or maybe your baseball player is in a slump – last week, they were crushing the ball, and this week, they can’t hit the side of a barn? Kids’ bodies, minds, and interests are growing and changing rapidly, and this does not always lend itself to good or consistent play.
How Puberty Affects An Athlete
Is Your Parenting Style Killing Your Child’s Motivation?
As Jennifer Wallace shares in ‘Never Enough,’ our brains are wired to respond to positive ‘social status’ events: starting, making a good play, another parent telling you how helpful your child was at their house, likes on a social media post, good grades, making the winning basket, getting a role in the play. Positive feedback about our kids of any kind, even small ones – rewards us biologically with a cocktail of dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins. Conversely, when we are in a state of ‘status descent’: our kids are pulled from the lineup, yelled at, benched, bad grades, interception, not asked to a school dance, and fights with friends – we experience anxiety and distress. Our brain punishes us by releasing painful neurochemicals like Cortisol. This can cause us to do or say things not in their best interest; it becomes all about us. As sports parents, staying positive and supportive in these moments can be challenging as their performance is often the ROI for all the time, money, and sacrifices we make. But that’s all about us and not about them.
The irony is that our kids need our support the MOST when playing poorly and having a bad game. They already feel bad about letting the team and coach down; they don’t need to feel the added pressure of letting their parents down.
There is no better time to be on and by their side.
Instead of affirming all the insecure thoughts swirling in their minds by slumping your head down or putting your hands over your face (they see this, by the way), or giving them the quiet treatment after a game, and even worse yet, yelling at them in the car ride home, instead try to maintain positive reactions and smiles from the bleachers and be aware of your body language as this is a dead giveaway to our kids. Is your posture closed off and tight? Are you unable to smile and greet them with a hug after the game? And once you are in the car, this doesn’t mean it’s a safe place to start questioning or yelling at your kid about what just happened. They have already played it back many times in their own heads, most likely talking to a friend on the team and maybe even the coach. They are ready to move on. If we bring up the game in the car, it’s for us, not them. WE are trying to process what happened and why, but they most likely want to forget it and move on. Let them guide you on what happens in that car. If they want to talk to you about it, they will.
Try to remember: This is just a moment in time and a small fraction of their lives and sports careers, and this too shall pass. This is youth sports. It’s a roller coaster ride, and it’s the growth they do during the hard times that will serve them the most later in life. When our reactions are tied to performance—good or bad—it sends the message to our kids that our love is conditional.
Next time you watch your kid shoot an airball, strike out, not run fast, or get intercepted, take a deep breath, step back, and ask yourself: Is my reaction about them or me? Am I helping them in any positive way right now by how I’m responding? They need us to have their back when they’re down in the dumps, way more than when they’ve just hit a home run, scored a goal, or made the game-winning shot.
Come To Your Senses Sports Parents
How to Show Up for Them—Even When It’s Hard
✅ Check Your Body Language – They see everything. Slumped shoulders, crossed arms, head in hands—it all sends a message. Instead, stay neutral and engaged, even if it’s killing you inside.
✅ Resist the Car Ride Breakdown – They’ve already replayed the game in their head a hundred times. If they want to talk, they will. Otherwise, let it go.
✅ Separate Your Emotions from Their Performance – If your energy shifts based on how they play, it sends the message that your love and pride are conditional. That’s not what we want.
✅ Zoom Out – This is just one moment, one game, one season. Real growth happens in the struggles. Handling failure, frustration, and setbacks will serve them beyond sports.
Be Their Safe Place, Not Their Harshest Critic
Next time they miss the shot, strike out, or fumble the ball, take a breath and ask yourself:
👉 Is my reaction about them, or is it about me?
👉 Am I helping them in a positive way with how I’m responding?
They need us way more when they’re struggling than when they’re shining. That’s when our support matters most.
