What If You DON’T Always Love To Watch Them Play?
What If You DON’T Always Love To Watch Them Play? I’m guessing most of us have experienced this occasionally…or a lot. We all love watching our kids play – most of the time. But what about those times when you don’t enjoy watching them play? When you find yourself putting your head in your hands to keep from witnessing your 8-year-old manage to be in every corner of the court where the action isn’t. Or maybe your baseball player is in a slump. Last week, they were crushing the ball, and this week, they can’t hit the side of a barn? Kids’ bodies, minds, and interests are growing and changing rapidly, and this does not always lend itself to good or consistent play. And quite frankly, sometimes it’s hard to watch.
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How Our Brains React
As Jennifer Wallace explains in ‘Never Enough,’, our brains are wired to light up from positive “status” moments: our kids starting a game, making a play, being praised by a coach, or even just receiving a compliment from another parent. Those moments flood us with dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins.
But when the opposite happens—pulled from the lineup, benched, struggling in school, or sitting alone at lunch—we feel the descent. Our brains release cortisol, the stress chemical. Suddenly, we’re frustrated, anxious, and tempted to react from a place of fear or anger. And often, our reaction is less about them—and more about us, the ROI we want for all the time, money, and sacrifice.
When They Need Us Most
Ironically, our kids need us most when things go badly. They already feel like they let the coach and team down. They don’t need to feel like they’ve let us down too.
Slumping in the stands, putting your head in your hands, giving the silent treatment on the car ride home—all of it registers with them. They notice our body language. They absorb our sighs, our tight shoulders, our inability to smile.
And once the game ends, they’ve likely replayed it in their heads, maybe even talked it through with a teammate or coach. They’re ready to move on. If we bring it up in the car, it’s usually for us, not them. The car ride should be their space. If they want to talk, they will.
The Bigger Picture
This is just one game, one slump, one moment in time. Youth sports are a roller coaster, and the dips often teach more than the peaks. When we tie our reactions to their performance—good or bad—we risk sending the message that our love is conditional.
So the next time your child shoots an airball, strikes out, or gets burned on defense, pause. Ask yourself: Is my reaction about them, or about me? Am I actually helping them right now?
Because our kids need us to have their back when they’re struggling far more than when they’re standing in the spotlight.
Come To Your Senses Sports Parents
How to Show Up for Them—Even When It’s Hard
✅ Check Your Body Language – They see everything. Slumped shoulders, crossed arms, head in hands—it all sends a message. Instead, stay neutral and engaged, even if it’s killing you inside.
✅ Resist the Car Ride Breakdown – They’ve already replayed the game in their head a hundred times. If they want to talk, they will. Otherwise, let it go.
✅ Separate Your Emotions from Their Performance – If your energy shifts based on how they play, it sends the message that your love and pride are conditional. That’s not what we want.
✅ Zoom Out – This is just one moment, one game, one season. Real growth happens in the struggles. Handling failure, frustration, and setbacks will serve them beyond sports.
Be Their Safe Place, Not Their Harshest Critic
Next time they miss the shot, strike out, or fumble the ball, take a breath and ask yourself:
👉 Is my reaction about them, or is it about me?
👉 Am I helping them in a positive way with how I’m responding?
They need us way more when they’re struggling than when they’re shining. That’s when our support matters most.
