The System Is Rigged—and Sports Parents Are Taking the Blame

The System Is Rigged—and Sports Parents Are Taking the Blame
By Asia Mape

I overheard a mom at my daughter’s beach volleyball tournament recently. Her daughter couldn’t have been more than 11 years old. Beach volleyball is usually mellow. Relaxed. But this mom was yelling constant instructions—tight, anxious energy that caught me by surprise. It wasn’t angry, but it was intense. Her daughter looked rattled. And honestly, so did the other parents nearby. I caught myself glancing her way—part discomfort, part judgment.

But later, I thought about her more.

She wasn’t the problem.
She was reacting to the problem. 

Yes, we can be intense—over-the-top, even.
But we’re not just caricatures: the screaming dad, the snowplow mom, the sideline coach, the parent willing to take out a second mortgage for a pitching coach.
We’re parents trying to find our way in a high-stakes, high-pressure system.
It’s messy. It’s emotional. And most of us are just doing the best we can with what we’ve got.

The Careless Language of Sports Parents 

Because parents didn’t create this system.

We walked into it—many of us wide-eyed and well-intentioned—and quickly realized just how much was expected of us if we wanted to “do it right.” It’s confusing. It’s expensive. It’s relentless. And whether you’re just starting out or have been in it for years, it’s easy to feel like you’re constantly behind, constantly worried you’re missing something. So much so, that your anxiety seeps out to your kids – like the volleyball mom.

Want your kid to make the team? They need to play year-round.
Want them to keep up? Better find a private trainer.
Want them to get recruited? There goes your weekends, your vacation time, your financial margin, your mental clarity.

And the moment you try to take a breath or slow it down, the fear shows up.

Fear that your child will fall behind.
Fear that they won’t be seen.
Fear that their potential will go untapped because you didn’t do enough.

So you go all in. You put sports ahead of all else. You rearrange your life for tournaments. You sit in the car after a rough game holding back tears—sometimes theirs, sometimes yours. You stay up late editing film and questioning your decisions or your coaches.

Take our quiz: It’s a fine line. Are you supporting or pressuring your athlete?

And then, you get blamed for caring too much.

But here’s the part no one wants to say:
This system wasn’t built to support parents or the kids.
It was built to keep us anxious and constantly reaching for the next thing.
And it profits from that anxiety.

It sells us the idea that more is always better.
More training. More exposure. More pressure.
And all the while, something quietly slips away.

Joy.
The joy our kids should have playing sports. 

I’m not sharing this as a complaint. I’m sharing it as an invitation to stop pointing fingers—and start listening to each other and supporting one another. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, or stuck, or silently questioned whether all of this is helping your child—or hurting them—you are not alone.

You are not failing.
You are trying to raise a healthy, happy kid inside a system that was never designed for that.

So what do we do?

We start by being honest.
With ourselves. With each other.
We talk about the pressure. The costs. The confusion. We share our concerns with other parents, coaches, and administrators.
We take agency for our kids and consider their unique situation, as well as what is right for our family.
We ask different questions. We listen. We make changes when it’s not working.
And we keep having these conversations. 

Most importantly, let’s stop judging ourselves and other sports parents for caring and maybe getting it wrong sometimes. Let’s start questioning the system that makes us feel like we’re doing it wrong, even when we’re doing our best.

Because the last thing families need is more judgment.
What they’re really craving is connection, compassion—and tools that actually help them show up better for their kids.

👉 For more like this and support along your youth sports journey, visit ilovetowatchyouplay.com and follow us on Instagram @theilovetowatchyouplay.