My Journey Founding Ilovetowatchyouplay
I felt lost, confused, and overwhelmed
In 2015, I was standing on the soccer field watching my third youth sports event of the day when my phone rang. A morning basketball game and two scorching hot soccer games in, and seeing my former sports television colleague and friend’s name pop up on my cell was a welcomed opportunity to step away from the madness of parents – and sometimes myself, screaming ‘kick it’ at 8-year-olds across the field.
At that time, we each had three kids – all the same ages: 12, 10, and 8. We were in the thick of it. Every weekend, I had a spreadsheet to keep track of all our sporting events, not kidding, and two coolers packed with snacks, water, hairbands, band-aids, Neosporin, ice, and wraps – I was armed and ready for anything the day called for.
She was in the same boat, and I remember what she said that day, ‘This is wild, right? We should do something to help youth sports parents.” I was feeling lost, confused, and overwhelmed, and the idea of helping others on the same Journey was appealing. I had played sports my entire life, earned a D1 basketball scholarship, and spent two decades as a sports journalist, interviewing the greatest athletes and coaches in the world and the experts who work with them. We both felt we had something to offer other parents. And so it began that day on the soccer field. I didn’t know it then, but what I would learn from my work on Ilovetowatchyouplay over the next few years would change my life forever.
It’s all in the name…
It took us a long time to pick the name.
Team Sports Moms
Raising Athletes
Playing Up
Game On
Championing Parents
Parenting Athletes
Nothing seemed just right, and most of the good ones were taken or didn’t capture what we hoped to do: provide a roadmap for parents navigating youth sports. That’s when we stumbled onto John O’Sullivan’s Ted Talk. He references a study by two former longtime coaches, Bruce Brown and Rob Miller of Proactive Coaching. After three decades of informally surveying hundreds of college athletes, they determined that all the athletes wanted to hear from their parents was, “I love to watch you play.”
That phrase encapsulated everything we wanted our site to be about. It was perfect. It was what sports parenting should be, boiled down into one simple phrase. I am so grateful for Bruce and Rob from Proactive Coaching; I have recently been digging into their work, and it is a treasure chest of insight for parents, coaches, and athletes. I highly recommend it!
I needed the site more than it needed me
So, for the next several years, we worked our day jobs in sports television and poured all our extra time and passion into building Ilovetowatchyouplay. It was challenging and rewarding in many ways, but there was so much to learn. Eventually, we parted ways, and my former colleague moved on to do other amazing things, but my work on I Love to Watch You Play was not done, not even close. And what I didn’t know then was that I needed the site as much, or more than it needed me.
I wasn’t a ‘crazy’ sports parent
It’s been almost 9-years since that day on the soccer field, and I have grown right alongside the site. I recently wrote this article about parenting my oldest daughter through her sports experience: “My daughter quit sports, and this is what I want youth sports parents to know.” It took me several years to be able to share our story. Several years of mulling over my role in her decision to quit and my role in how I allowed sports to cause a wedge in our relationship. It was a difficult journey, but one I couldn’t have taken without my work on ILTWYP. And I’m afraid to think of what might have happened had I not been able to own my role in all of it, apologize, and start to repair my relationship with my oldest. Or how I may have continued down that same path with my other two daughters. I have always had good intentions; I love my kids and would do anything for them. I wasn’t a ‘crazy’ sports parent; I wasn’t a big screamer; I didn’t interfere with the coaches or overcoddle my kids or think they were the best, and I knew the character-building value of sports. Yet, I still lost my way. I was knowledgeable, had many resources, and wrote, read, and interviewed experts about what good sports parenting is. Yet, still – I LOST MY WAY. For me, losing my way meant crossing a very fine line between support and pressure. I could be negative and critical at times. I began to care more about her sports than she did; I hijacked her youth sports experience with my own agenda and expectations.
How can you blame the parents?
Sports parenting is like regular parenting but on turbocharge. And it’s not a big mystery as to why. Think about the fervor with which we follow our college and professional teams. It borders on the religious; victories or defeats can sway the emotional state of entire communities. This fanatic zeal cements athletes as heroes and intertwines their successes and failures with our personal identities and local pride. Now add into that mix – your own child. That child becomes a ‘hero’ in our own sports documentary; yes, our flesh and blood or someone we love more than life itself now gets the leading role. And pile on top of that – ROI. All the time and money parents are putting towards youth sports – we better get something out of it…a scholarship or, at the very least, a lot of playing time. It’s easy to understand how and why youth sports have become a pressure cooker for our young athletes and why sports parents need compassion, guidance, and information to thrive and find their way.
Being a good and positive sports parent takes work. And you don’t necessarily change how you feel inside or what your innate reactions are to their sports. But you realize the damage it does to your child, so you learn what it means to be a positive sports parent, and then you practice. You practice it over and over and over. And when you mess up, you forgive yourself, apologize to your kids, and keep practicing.
My hope is that Ilovetowatchyouplay can be a small part of that journey for sports parents, sharing my experiences and the learnings from experts, authors, and other parents to help inform and guide your decisions. The goal is to empower parents to help your kids love sports longer, stay healthier, feel happier, and experience more success. And if we can help you do some or all of those things, then that is everything.
Asia Mape
Founder – Ilovetowatchyouplay
A few articles I recommend to become a positive sports parent:
Tips For Being A Positive Sports Parent
Youth Sports Parents Come To Your Senses
Why Kids Are Quitting Sports In Record Numbers